


my heart's a stereo

by mnheecore



Category: Cravity (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Radio, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Fluff, Kang Minhee is An Oblivious Shit, Kang Minhee-centric, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, One-sided pining, Pining, Radio, Radio Host Kang Minhee, Roommates, and they were ROOMMATES, heavily unedited, jealousy??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnheecore/pseuds/mnheecore
Summary: "Maybe if you were in my highschool, my answer for today’s question would be different. No, not maybe, it definitely would be different. Because if you were there, You would be the part I’ll never forget."orminhee is an upstart radio host in their campus and after 4 months of dj-ing he's finally getting some traction. but the stream that gets him his biggest career boost is yet to come, and it comes with the theme: the little things we call first love/crush
Relationships: Kang Minhee/Lee Eunsang
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	my heart's a stereo

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday minhee!! this is a little late, but at least it's still his birthday,, to minhee, my first ever kpop ult, someone who makes my day with his smile. this was really rushed, and i had to fit it in between my prelims, but i somehow finished it and i couldn't be more proud. i'm proud of minhee too, above all. he deserves all the love in the world.

There was something mundane about college. Maybe it’s just Minhee’s routine, but it was nothing like he thought it was. At least, it was different to how his brother described it as. 

  


According to his brother, college was where you’ll meet different kinds of people. In college, you change. You learn to have fun, you learn much more than the lessons your professors teach you. You have a taste at the real, adult world full of alcohol and parties. His brother made college look like a dream paradise where he could do anything he wanted, whenever, without a second thought.

  


And for the most part, it’s true, just not as true for Minhee. 

  


Don’t get him wrong, he liked his classes, no doubt. He was enrolled in a course he liked and he was studying things he was always curious about. But he was just _so_ tired.

  


It’s already been his second year, and he still hasn’t experienced how college was _supposed_ to be. The glitz and glamor of college was yet to be seen for Minhee, and frankly, he was getting exhausted with his classes. So after a few months into the first semester, Minhee does something that would change the course of his college life.

  


MinheeCast, often abbreviated as Minca, was a podcast that aired throughout the whole campus, every night at 10 pm to 11 pm. He and a few friends run the show, and they’re slowly getting recognition around the campus. Minhee usually hosted the show, with Seongmin and Wonjin co-hosting from time to time. They would invite a few friends here and there to not stay monotonous with the same voices over and over, but for the most part, it’s just their group of 9 managing the radio show.

  


It wasn’t supposed to be that serious, they were just messing around the first time they did it, in all honesty, but they garnered an audience, and soon enough, even the faculty knew about the small podcast they were doing at Serim and Allen’s shared apartment. Their podcast, which they aired on YouTube, was now live on air on their campus radio, a privilege they did not hesitate to get. And for the last five months of running that radio show, they’ve been met with nothing but positive reviews. No weird messages, no blackmail, no suspicious responses.

  


Until today. 

  


It was September 9th, and Son Dongpyo was inside the studio as a guest host. Everytime a student celebrated their birthday, they could submit their name to the station and have a chance to be a guest DJ. They only do this once a week, and it was a first-come-first-serve type of thing, so every Sunday was always something to look forward to. Unfortunately for the celebrants that week, Dongpyo is close to their friend group, so he didn’t even need to sign up, he was automatically the guest DJ that week, the same way Cha Junho was on his birthday week. (And if Dongpyo wasn’t, well, Minhee wouldn’t be co-hosting this podcast right now)

  


They were lounging around the reception, waiting for the DJ before them to finish their program. It was just casual, just how Minhee likes it. This thing was for them to casually talk about anything and everything, so he makes an extra effort to keep his guests comfortable. The first time they started the radiocast, it was just meant for Minhee to talk about all the things about college. It was for him to rant, to talk, to let his thoughts run free while his friends jest in response from the other side of the room, taking entertainment in Minhee’s rants. And he guesses his batchmates shared the same sentiments, because after a while, they would send in their own sob stories, looking for someone to talk to, looking for some sort of shoulder to cry on, even though it was a radio show they were sending it to. Nowadays, Minhee would still do his rants, but it was predominantly a place for other students to send their stories (based on a theme that day) and listen to what Minhee and the co-host had to say. They’d play the occasional songs, and overall, just give the listening college students a good time amidst their hectic schedules.

  


He loved doing it. It was the only thing keeping him grounded in college, and he loved seeing all the other students’ responses to the day’s theme. Minhee thinks this is the one thing he’ll continue doing until he graduates, there was literally no reason for him to stop, so he’ll do this until his fourth year, even though broadcasting had no correlation to his course (BS Biology).

  


He stands up when he sees Renjun exit from inside the booth, vibing as his final song plays. The older waves to him, offering a small smile as they pass by each other. Minhee reciprocates the small smile, already familiar with the art student. They go inside the studio, settling in the seats in front of the mics while Jungmo and Serim go inside the control room. He walks Dongpyo through the script, when they’re going to talk freely, and how many songs they’re gonna play, carefully written by Allen. 

  


Their theme for the day was an interesting one, and it was bound to get many responses.

  


_The little things we call first love/crush._

  


Themes like these get the most responses, they get the audience talking, reminiscing about the love of their lives, the ‘could have been’s and the loves they lost. These get the most interesting messages, and Minhee is a sucker for a good love story, so he looks forward to days like these. More now, because he’ll have Dongpyo by his side, someone who knows everyone’s business, it’ll be fun to go over the messages and respond to them with him.

  


He hears Renjun’s song fading out, and a short commercial plays before his segment starts. He and Dongpyo settle in their seats, getting ready for the start. Once the commercial ends and the podcast intro plays, he clears his throat as Jungmo gives him a signal that the mic was on. He takes one, two, three breaths before starting the show, and like every radio show he does everyday, he starts it with a smile, hoping nothing goes wrong with the broadcast.

  
  
  


And it does. Nothing terrible happened that stream, but something unexpected definitely did, and Minhee had no way to prepare for what had happened. 

  


It was fine for the first few minutes, the intro had gone smoothly and the whole studio sang Dongpyo a happy birthday. They introduced the topic well, and even joked around about each other's love lives (or in Minhee's case, the lack of it).

  


("I'm really wondering, Minhee, you're handsome, you're kind, you're smart. Why don't you have a boyfriend yet?"

  


"Find me a boyfriend then, Dongpyo."

  


"Bet.")

  


They even reached the part where they read the listener's stories, reading a particularly cute one from Renjun's boyfriends.

  


(" Our first sender comes from our very own! user foolsun from mass communication says, 

_Injunnie, are you still in the studio? Can you listen to this before you go?"_

  


Minhee looks out of the glass to where Renjun was sitting down and drinking something from his bottle. He watches as the shorter male's eyes go wide and almost chokes on his drink. He frantically looks to the booth, and Minhee just smiles at him, enjoying what's going to happen.

  


"Okay, Donghyuck-ssi, I'm pretty sure he's listening so I'll read your message now.")

  


After the confession and a red-faced Renjun stomped out of the building in embarrassment, he played the song Donghyuck specifically requested, laughing in glee at Renjun's suffering. He leans back at the swivel chair's backrest, chatting with Dongpyo amicably as the song plays.

  


"Seriously? Donghyuck really did that?" His guest gasped as he recalled Lee Donghyuck's visit the other week. He was visiting Renjun and left everyone speechless with their antics. It was a story worth telling, and he thinks anyone who was at the place at the time would never forget that week. 

  


“Yeah, but that’s not even all–” Minhee pauses as he notices the song ending, “I’ll tell you all about it after the break. They were _insane_.”

  


He’s smiling when he adjusts himself back in front of the mic, smiling as he thinks about the couple. “Again, that was _True Love_ by P!nk, from Donghyuck to his dear shoulder gangster, Renjun. Very sweet, don’t you think, Dongpyo?”

  


“Very. I think it’s so refreshing to see couples like Renhyuck hyungs. We all deserve someone who can be our best friend, our partner in crime, and at the same time, our significant other. They complement each other so much, them being together just _makes sense.”_

  


“But unfortunately, not all first loves become our greatest, and sometimes, our first loves were just meant to be that. First loves, the first experience at love, but nothing truly blossoming from it. Just like our second listener, who missed his chance at confessing to the first man that made his heart beat.” Minhee pauses, faking contemplation, “Do you want to read it for us, Dongpyo?”

  


“I’d be honored!” His eyes went wide for a second, mostly because he wasn’t informed he was going to be reading, and his eyes looked around frantically. Dongpyo wasn’t one to fret though, so he’s confident he’ll be able to pull it off.

  


And he does pull it off, it’s just that once he starts reading, he can’t help but linger on every word he’s saying. 

  


"Our next sender comes from user lesmis from theatre, great reference there sir. This one is quite long, so buckle yourselves up, guys.” He takes a breath before reading the letter, eyebrows raising as he reads out the words.

  


“He says, _I remember my first crush very vividly. I was young, and so was he, but I was already so in love with him. He was kind, and smart, and sweet, and it wasn't hard to like him, so silly 12-year-old me fell for him as the days passed.”_

  


_“The only time we ever interacted was music class back in middle school. He was in the same class as me and he was so good at guitar. I was amazed watching him play guitar while singing. I was in awe, captivated by his voice. It didn’t help that he had the cutest eye smile too. His smile was contagious, and I felt myself falling for him with every strum of the guitar. Guitar was a prerequisite at the time, so we all had to learn a song, and I sucked at it. But he noticed me, and taught me how to hold the guitar properly, how to strum. He wrapped his arms around me, helping me learn guitar, and I could feel every bit of my heart pounding.”_

  


Minhee blushes at the confession, even though it wasn’t directed at him. The letter was sweet, it held every bit of innocence a middle-schooler did, it held the pureness of a first love, and Minhee can’t help but smile indulgently at the story.

  


_“He made me happy. He made me inspired. For the rest of my middle school, I looked at him for inspiration, and when he’d catch me looking at him, he’ll only smile back, and God knows what that did to my heart. He made my heart flutter helplessly, and I was wrapped around his finger just like that. But I knew what I felt for him was fruitless. He was way too good for me. He deserves someone better than me, and I knew he wouldn’t like me back even if I confessed.”_

  


Minhee takes this chance to speak, side comments were necessary anyway, so he might as well stop at a place he wants to comment on. “User lesmis, why did you get ahead of yourself? You never know what the other feels until they tell you. You never know, they might give you a chance. You’ll never know until you try.”

  


Dongpyo smirks at him, looking up from where he’s reading the letter. “Oh, but Min-D, (Minhee’s DJ name) we have more, and I’ll think you’ll like this very much.”

  


Raising an eyebrow, he motions the birthday celebrant to continue talking, once again putting his focus on his words.

  


_“Still, I've been wanting to confess to him about my feelings, because through his act of kindness, I pushed myself to be a better person. But I never had the chance because he was always busy with his studies. I wanted to confess during graduation, but he graduated with high ranks, so he was celebrating throughout the day.”_

  


_“I thought that was the last time I’ll ever see him, and I thought I was going to regret not confessing to him because we weren’t going to go to the same school anymore, and I can only remember him as the kind classmate that made me happy everyday, with even just a glance. But when I entered college and saw him again, I knew that it was fate telling me to shoot my shot now. I know he’s listening right now, and I know this is long overdue, but I'll take my chance right now to confess.”_

  


Dongpyo takes an excruciatingly long silence, building up anticipation not just from the viewers, but from the DJ beside him too. Minhee was about to speak up again, noting that confessing will be good, even though it’s already long overdue, but Dongpyo’s low voice stops him, and what he says absolutely floors him.

  


_“I like you, and I've liked you for a long time now, top student Kang Minhee."_

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


People ate that shit up. 

  


If MinheeCast was popular before, then it officially blew up after that podcast. People were talking about it left and right, and his name was in everyone’s mouths the day after the podcast. Audio clips of the confession had been strung together and edited over soft piano to further push the romanticism of the confession. 

  


Everyone knew what happened that night, and everyone was talking about it, nonstop. He’s heard his name more times that day than he did his entire year. It blew up so much, even his professors were hinting at Minhee’s episode, eliciting a collective laugh from the whole class. It was embarrassing, and he literally couldn’t walk across the campus without getting recognized. 

  


And on one hand, it meant that Minca was going to get more traction, but at the same time, that meant user lesmis was walking around somewhere, knowing that he had read his letter, and he honestly doesn’t know what to think of that.

  


After Dongpyo finished reading the letter, Minhee blushed a deep crimson, taken aback by the sudden confession. It didn’t help that Dongpyo was wiggling his eyebrows at him suggestively, at that point, he was sure he was not going to get out of that studio alive.

  


“So, Min-D, what can you say? Are you going to leave user lesmis hanging?” He was out of words, _how could he reply to that? So suddenly too!_

  


Minhee had never experienced being confessed to, let alone getting confessed to live on radio on the radio show he’s been hosting, so this was all very new to him. (But honestly, who could say they got confessed to in a radio show they host? No one! There was no preparing for this one at all!)

  


He composed himself before glaring at Dongpyo’s knowing smirk, and looking for support in his Allen’s eyes (who just shook his head at him and raised a clenched fist, mouthing a ‘fighting!’) Shakily, he manages to breathe out a tempting “Well, if user lesmis could reveal themselves, then maybe we can work it out, don’t you think?”

  


His guest DJ nods, a satisfied grin plastered on his face. “Well, user lesmis also left us a song request, and he hopes you remember this song well, Min-D, because our sender is reminded of you everytime he looks up at the night sky. This is _Let’s go see the stars_ by Park Bogum.”

  


Jungmo alerts them that their mics are off before Minhee stands up, throwing his headphones to the middle of the table. Everyone inside the room: the two in charge of sound, Allen who was in-charge of the script, and Hyeongjun who was lounging around the staff room laugh loudly, and Minhee wanted to scream.

  


He could hear the B chord play, indicating the start of the song. He was dumbfounded, his hands cupping his entire face in embarrassment. This situation was just _not_ believable, and it hurt his head trying to process what was happening. He couldn’t even think straight as he tried to rack his brain, looking for memories of teaching a boy how to play this song, but to no avail. He taught many students at the time, seeing as he was most proficient at guitar, so he couldn’t possibly know who user lesmis was. 

  


But he was certain of one thing. He wanted to find who they were, because if they could speak like that about him, then he was willing to give it a chance. And he already had a way to narrow it down, and it came in the form of his roommate, Lee Eunsang, theatre major.

  
  
  


“Why would I help you?”

  


“Because I want a love life?” Minhee said as a matter-of-factly the next morning, letting himself fall on his bed as he urges his roommate to help him find user lesmis. His roommate laughs from across the room where he’s folding his clothes. He looks at him with a raised eyebrow, “And why should I meddle with your love life, Minhee?” 

  


He raised his head at his roommate's response, propping his head on his palm and resting his elbow on the bed, turning sideways to look at him directly. “Why, Eunsangie? Are you scared I’m gonna get a boyfriend?” he coos teasingly.

  


Two t-shirts fly towards Minhee after he says those words, and he barely dodges using a pillow to shield him from the clothes. He laughs hysterically, screaming gleefully as jumps out of Eunsang’s bed and hides behind a pillow. “Just admit it! You like me!”

  


More clothes fly through the room, making a mess of Eunsang’s bed, but they pay it no mind, choosing to enjoy the moment of flying clothes and pillow shields. He pulls Eunsang away from his drawer and pulls him to his bed, laying down amongst the pile of crinkled shirts. They let out a breath, still laughing from the shirt attack. They just lay there, catching their breath with happy smiles, already used to their playing around.

  


Eunsang was a godsend to Minhee, and he’ll never say it out loud, but he appreciates Eunsang a lot. When they first entered college, Minhee was a shy boy, aloof and unassuming. They barely interacted for the first two weeks, and it was exactly how it should be, just roommates. He thought it was going to stay that way, but in some way, it changed. It took Minhee staying up late and breaking down for his exams for them to get close. _A very special shared sentiment, if Minhee may add._

  


Eunsang cooked both of them ramen, and they helped each other’s studies, no matter how different the course. _They were a great pair,_ they decided, and since then, they became closer than ever, close enough to crash each other’s bedrooms and ask for help with each other’s love life.  


Or so Minhee thought.

  


When they’re done catching their breath, Minhee turned Eunsang’s way, cheek on his palm and propped up. His friend’s eyes are closed, and he watches as his chest heaves up and down as he breathes. “Are you really not going to help me?” he murmurs as he pokes his roommates’s side, eliciting as quick chuckle.

  


“How am I even going to find him? If it is a _him._ ” He points out. And in a way, Eunsang is right, but Minhee doesn’t even want to think about that possibility. Anyone who knew him knew he was gay, but there’s always the possibility that _lesmis_ doesn’t know. After all, they knew him when he was 12, and he hasn’t come out of the closet yet. The thought bothers him, so he just doesn’t acknowledge it. In his head, lesmis is a guy, and he’s ready to fall in love with him.

  


“I just want to know, okay? I want to know who it is.”

  


Eunsang sighs in defeat, opening his eyes to look at his roommate with his hands together like a child, a faux-innocent smile on his face, as if that would convince him to help him. He ruffles his own hair before replying, “Fine. I’ll help you find lesmis. But no promises, okay?”

  


The smile on Minhee’s face got wider, brighter, and he tackles Eunsang down on his bed, cheering at his response. “Yes! Yes! Thank you Eunsangie! I’ll treat you to food once we find him, I promise!”

  


Eunsang only laughs at him, rolling his eyes, “That’s supposed to be a given, but okay.”

  


Minhee pays the side comment no mind, he’s just happy Eunsang is going to help him, no matter the price he demands. In glee, Minhee doesn’t notice the helpless sigh Eunsang breathes when the taller walks out of his room to attend his afternoon classes. He was so happy, he didn’t hear Eunsang mutter, “Minhee, you oblivious shit.”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The podcast that night was interesting, although not as interesting as the previous. He knew that because of the events that happened yesterday, they would have more viewers today, and he was right. He didn’t have an accurate way to determine how much, but based on the number of letters on the list, it wasn’t a farfetched inference. 

  


He sits down with Wonjin, who was his co-host for the night, arranging his script as the commercial starts.The older had a sly smirk on his lips, already enjoying the show that hasn’t even started. Minhee glares at him as he fixes his posture and clears his throat. They start two minutes later, with Minhee’s voice bouncing through the studio, but not without a nudge from Wonjin from underneath the table.

  


As expected, the responses were different from the usual, it was devoid of any familiar users, and it was instead a bunch of new listeners who wanted tea on Minhee’s confessor (was that a word?) The theme for the day was _things you didn’t expect highschool to teach you_ , but so far, there were rarely actual responses. Most of the letters were vague answers, usually with an attached follow-up question about Minhee.

  


On the fourth letter without a proper answer, Minhee couldn’t help but comment on it. “Okay! It looks like high school didn’t really teach us plenty, because our fourth letter comes from user kwonqueen, and they say, ‘ _How’s your admirer, Min-D? Any progress?’_ Unfortunately not, user kwonqueen. User lesmis didn’t do anything today, and their letter, if they did send something, was not chosen for tonight.” Minhee breathes as he stops himself to continue his sentence, but as he looks back at the paper, he just lets the side comment fall. “You also, unfortunately, did not answer today’s theme. I hope that answers your question, user kwonqueen. And since you didn’t respond to today’s question, this is _Camila Cabello_ with _I Have Questions_.” 

  


He can hear Taeyoung’s boisterous laughter from outside the booth, while he sits back in delight, listening to the Latina’s sultry breakdown for a song. Allen sticks his head inside the studio, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows. “That wasn’t in the script.”

  


Minhee tilted his head down, “Hyung, you don’t write that part on purpose. You told me I could say what I wanted to say.” The older sighs exasperatedly, “Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can shade the listeners.”

  


He brushes it off with a wave, “It’s harmless, hyung. Don’t worry.” He shakes his head, breathing out of his nose as he closes the door again. He faces Wonjin who was beside him and raises his shoulders, only to be met with a raised eyebrow. “What? You have to admit it was getting annoying.”

  


“It’s just for tonight, just let it be.” Minhee rolls his eyes, breathing loudly before reading the next prompter. He guesses he can’t change the people’s curiosity, he himself was curious too, especially with him recruiting his roommate on his search quest, but the questions were getting too personal for his taste. He swallows his thoughts, along with the sarcastic remarks, and just readies himself for a night of more self-control.

  


He comes home that night exhausted, collapsing on the living room sofa and dropping his materials on some nearby surface. He usually comes home this late, but the session a while ago had taken a toll on his energy, so he’s extra worn out. A strong smell comes from the kitchen, and even half-conscious, he knows what was going on inside. He takes the arm that was previously laying on top of his eyes, prying open his eyes to meet his roommate’s. The theatre major had two cups of ramen on his hands and two already sitting on top of the table. He smiles brightly at the tired DJ, setting the ramen cups down before reaching out his arm for Minhee to pull. 

  


Minhee takes it, pulling himself up to sit and taking a ramen for himself. This was something they do frequently, although not regularly. The first time they did this also marked the day they started to be closer, the day they stopped being roommates only, and started being each other’s anchor. 

  


Summer of freshman year while they’re all preparing to take the mid-terms is when the tides started to change. From the awkward hello’s and hi’s in passing became crying together while the rain was pouring outside, all after one fateful night. That one night in July, Eunsang came home from practice to Minhee crying over his notes, unable to grasp their subject. 

  


“Are you okay?” Eunsang whispered, shocked at the sight that welcomed him. It was the first time he asked Minhee about anything other than the groceries, and Minhee could feel the embarrassment creeping up his neck. The biology major grabs the single towel beside him, wiping his tears quickly, not wanting to look pathetic in front of his roommate. He didn’t feel the younger slip out of the living room, he just looked up and he wasn’t there, so he didn’t think of it too much.

  


Except a few minutes later, his batchmate reappears with two cups of ramen and a comforting smile on his face. He looks at him in shock, mouth forming a small ‘o’ as he feels himself crying again. His roommate sits beside him and places one of the ramen cups in front of his laptop. “Take a rest for a while.”

  


The gentle smile he flashes Minhee didn’t help with the fact that his tears were close to dropping. He doesn’t know if his tears were because of the stress his academics put on him, or the gratitude he had for his roommate, so incredibly touched by his gesture. He concludes it’s a convoluted mix of both, and he can only laugh mirthlessly as he takes the ramen cup in his hands. “Thank you.”

  


“It’s nothing.” He looks at the messy notes scattered all over the living room table, some of the papers crumpled and barely readable. “I can’t help much on your lessons,” he pauses, handing him a pair of chopsticks, “But I can be here for you, if you need me.” 

  


The tears he’s been holding in fall by themselves, choking in his emotions. His roommate beside him is startled, setting down his ramen cup, not knowing where to put his arms. Minhee just continues crying, overwhelmed with Eunsang’s kindness. When he looks at the male, he looks back with concerned eyes, and the arms that were flailing a while ago in an attempt to comfort him was now opened wide, and Minhee, in his vulnerable state, lets himself be enveloped in Eunsang’s embrace.

  


Eunsang’s hugs are comforting, they’re warm and heartfelt. It’s firm enough that Minhee feels safe in them, but gentle enough that he could almost feel some type of affection in them. He cries to his shoulder, soaking his shirt with his tears, but Eunsang doesn’t comment on it. It felt new to hug his roommate, considering this was the most they’re ever touched, but at the same time, it felt right. He fit right in Eunsang’s arms, snug and comfortable. And they stay like that for a while, a crying Minhee in Eunsang’s arms, who tried so hard to help him stop the tears and frustration. 

  


They don’t mind the noise from outside the dorm. They don’t mind each other’s hearts beating in sync as their chests are pressed together. They don’t mind it all, because at the moment, Eunsang was there for Minhee for the first time, and they were embracing each other as if they’ve known each other for years, familiar with each other’s bodies. Nothing was out of place, like it was meant to be this way all along. 

  


They only unlatch when it was starting to get clammy, because even when Minhee stopped crying, they stayed in that position. They sit beside each other again, Minhee’s head finding its place on top of Eunsang’s (soaked) shoulder. “Thank you, Eunsang. I really needed that.”

  


“From now on, whenever you need someone to cry to, I’ll be here. Just knock on my door.” Minhee nods, breathing slowly before replying, “You too, okay?”

  


“If you ever need someone, I’ll be right here, and I can make a mean ramen too.” They chuckle at it together, only now realizing that their ramen from a while ago was cold. They stand up and clean themselves and the living room up, grabbing the ramen cups on the way to the kitchen. After they reheated the ramen cups, they clinked the cups like a champagne glass, followed by a chortle, laughing at the absurdity of their situation. As the laughter died down, they start eating the noodles, standing in silence among the kitchen counters. After a few slurps, Eunsang raised his head, along with a question Minhee knew was coming. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  


And at the moment, it didn’t matter that Eunsang was a stranger up to now. It didn’t matter a while ago when he was sobbing on his shoulder, so why should it matter now that they’re talking? No, Minhee didn’t care about that. So he started talking, ranting about everything he can’t say on air, and everything he can’t tell his friends. And their night doesn’t end. They stay by each other until the sun has risen again, with Minhee somehow finding a better rhythm for studying and Eunsang quietly practicing his lines on the other side of the couch. The only time they separate is when Minhee goes out to take his exam.

  


He would be scared that it would be awkward once he gets home, seeing that there was something new that happened last night, but while it was new, it wasn’t awkward. Their dynamic became better, and they fell into a synchronous order. If Minhee was scared that the dorm would change after that night, then Eunsang completely obliterated it once he came home, because since then, they were more at ease with each other than with any other person. Since then, that dingy dorm has become more like a home.

  


Since then, everytime that one of them gets a particularly frustrating day, the other would show up with four cups of ramen (they also learned that they can finish two cups each) and they’d eat it together on their living room floor, while they talk about their day. Sometimes, there’s crying, and they’re always willing to comfort each other, finding solace in each other’s arms. 

  


Some days though, are just like this, one of them tired and frustrated. No need for tears, just the comfort of each other’s presence. So as Eunsang takes the seat next to him, they immediately toast their ramen cups and start talking, wasting no time to rant about their day.

  


“You’re getting quite famous, don’t you think? I heard your name so much today.”

  


“Tell me about it.” He grunts, rolling his eyes as he slurps the noodles. “Not to mention the radio show didn’t go as well tonight.”

  


“I know, I was listening.” He muttered under his breath. That was the thing about Eunsang, he supports you in all ways he can, even in the slightest way, he’ll show his affection. 

  


“And like,” _slurp_ “I’m happy the radio show gained more traction but it was kinda annoying, don’t you think?” He says as he chews the noodles, pointing a chopstick towards Eunsang. “I mean, I get it. But it’s not like you can do anything about it, right?”

  


Minhee sighs loudly, _as if I didn’t know that._ The theatre major taps his head slightly, catching the sardonic sigh directed at him. “Just enjoy it, dumbass. Enjoy it while it lasts. Have fun, alright?”

  


Minhee can’t say anything to that, so he just shoves another chopstick full of ramen in his mouth, chewing quite adorably as he tries to look angry (intimidating?). Eunsang wheezes at his roommates' attempts, nudging him to tease him even further. 

  


“Just trust me, this thing will blow over in a couple of days, and I’m pretty sure lesmis doesn’t have any bad intentions, so just enjoy it, alright?” He flashes Minhee that same comforting smile, the one that Minhee can never say no to. The one he used more than a year ago, the one that still works on Minhee without fail. Minhee groans in response, knowing he has no chance of winning that battle, “Fine~” he whined, drawing out the last syllable like the child he was. 

  


They sat in silence afterwards, finishing their ramen over the sounds of the TV. And just like that, Minhee’s mood is lifted, for even just a little bit. Eunsang is without fail, consistent and reliable, and Minhee couldn’t thank the stars enough that they gave him to him. Even just temporarily.

  


If Eunsang seemed suspicious that night, Minhee didn’t notice, because he was so set on user lesmis and how to find the one behind the confession.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


User lesmis makes another move the very next day. Just when the gossip was dying down, there his letter was on Minhee’s script, shorter than his first one, but he can already sense the chaos that it would entail. 

  


“And we have a return mail from user lesmis! Min-D, would you like to give them the pleasure of reading their letter?” Seongmin inquires from across him, smiling ever-so-slightly. The younger didn’t tease him as much as Wonjin did, but the opportunity was right there, so he obviously took it. Minhee just raised his eyebrows, smoothing the creases of his forehead, before reading the letter.

  


_“High school was a wild ride for me, I wouldn’t say I peaked in high school, but I wasn’t entirely miserable at the time. So choosing something that I would never forget from high school is hard. Still, I remember my classmates playing songs on a guitar when the teacher is absent, and the whole class would sing along. And even though a few people were very off-pitch, I treasured those moments. It’s the sweet nothings that make high school high school, don’t you think?”_

  


Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad. It was a normal response, just like the ones they usually receive, just from a more, _special_ person. He smiles lightly, satisfied, while Seongmin proceeds to introduce the next song. He reclines his chair back, letting the music play knowing that the break is next, so more songs are going to play in interlude. Pushing the chair back, he massages his temples, providing some sort of pain reliever for his never-ending headache. Honestly, he doesn’t even remember the last night he woke up without a headache, it was _that_ bad. (He thinks it was 3 years ago, back in junior year, but he isn’t too sure either.)

  


Hyeongjun comes inside the booth, lounging on one of the chairs opposite the DJs. “You know,” he starts, sipping on his bubble tea in between, “that script is very edited.” Minhee’s eyes widen, taken aback. Allen rarely edits letters, usually just copy-pasting letters and fixing a few inappropriate words, if necessary. The script they would receive were usually just prompters for when to say something, or guide questions, along with a list of the songs they would play and the letters sent. If his hyung manipulated the letters,

  


“He filtered the ones about user lesmis, if you were wondering.” His same-aged friend murmurs while stirring his drink around. “We know you were kinda stressed because of it. Not to mention, Eunsang told us you came home exhausted. We’re sorry.”

  


“No, don’t be. It wasn’t your fault.”

  


He shook his head again, refusing Minhee’s rejection. While it was true that the radio show last night did distress him, he didn’t realize that his friends also realized this, and he somewhat feels guilty. Hyeongjun notices the look on Minhee’s face and puts on a knowing look, “Stop being guilty. You didn’t mean for it to happen. Okay? We’re fine.”

  


Minhee huffs, defeatedly. “Fine.” he says, pulling the chair closer to the mic while putting earphones on. Although just before he puts on the right earbud, he asks Hyeongjun one more question.

  


“If Allen hyung really filtered the letters, then why did lesmis’s letter come?”

  


“It was on prompt, but it’s edited. If you wanna read the whole letter, you can ask hyung or Ruby hyung.” He smiles quietly, fixing the way he was seated. 

  


There were still a lot of questions running around Minhee’s head,: _The letter was incomplete? or was it edited? Why did he need to edit it out? Eunsang told them he was exhausted yesterday? When? Why?_

  


So many thoughts were still running around Minhee’s head, but the commercial was fast ending, and before he could fully comprehend what was happening, Seongmin was already welcoming listeners back to the show. So despite the chaos running through his mind, Minhee pulls himself together. Questions could wait for later.

  


He did just that, but once it ended, he had already set a plan for what he’s going to do. He grabs the jacket wrapped around the swivel chair, draping it on his arm and exiting the booth, Seongmin following behind him. Allen usually stayed with Serim and Jungmo in the control booth, so Minhee beelined towards the room, preparing what he’s going to say. 

  


When he reaches the booth, his hyungs are exiting, so they just point at each other shocked, mouth open ever so slightly. “Minhee,” Serim started, tilting his head ever so slightly, “what are you doing here? You usually head straight home?”

  


“Yeah, I kinda want to ask Allen hyung something,” he mumbled, looking at the older male towards the end of the sentence. He points at himself, raising a single eyebrow, (as if Minhee knew another Allen, let alone someone in the same room). Minhee breathes out a soft “Yeah.”

  


Allen nods his head in response, telling the other two to go ahead, while he sits the two of them down an empty sofa. “What did you want to ask me about?” Allen begins, lacing his fingers and resting his elbows on his knees. 

  


“Hyeongjun-” Minhee was justs starting his sentence, but Allen already closed his eyes in realization, aware of what Minhee was about to ask. “He said you filtered the letters?”

  


“I always filter the letters, Minhee,” 

  


“Yeah, I meant.”

  


“I know what you meant.” He takes a quick breath before speaking again, “I edited the letters for today, quite heavily, actually. Although I think Hyeongjunnie already told you that.”

  


“Why?”

  


“You’re really going to say that when you were so distressed yesterday?” He shakes his head, exhaling, “You deserved a break from that.”

  


“You didn’t have to,”

  


The older male laughs to himself before turning his head towards Minhee’s direction, “Are you kidding me? As your hyung, I _had to_ , Minhee. I won’t let you receive terrible letters just because I didn’t filter the letters nicely.”

  


“Okay, but editing it?” 

  


“Hyeongjun is really bad at gossip, I didn’t edit it, I just took some unnecessary parts out.” The sentence lingers a little more before Minhee asks a follow-up question, one he doesn’t know why he’s asking. “Can I read the unedited version?”

  


“Why?”

  


And truthfully, Minhee doesn’t know too, he just knew he wanted to. He shrugs, and he guesses Allen took that as enough of an answer, because their scriptwriter was already going through his phone, finding the unedited version of the letter. He makes a sound of recognition, tapping on his phone. He hands his phone to Minhee as per request, the screen displaying the message from a user lesmis.

  


It went the same way it did before as far as Minhee could remember, but one striking change was the whole paragraph that came after the letter proper.

  


_“ - don’t you think? I think so. I mean, it was the sweet nothings that made me fall in love with you. Your smile, the stars in your eyes, your freckles. The way you raise a thumbs up instinctively in all occasions, even when the situation doesn’t fit. The way you stick your tongue out when you laugh, the way you sit anywhere, no matter what surface, as long as you’re tired. It’s these sweet little nothings that make you, you, and it’s the same little nothings that made me fall for you even more. Because you’re so completely yourself, and you’re so easy to love._

  


_Maybe if you were in my highschool, my answer for today’s question would be different. No, not maybe, it definitely would be different. Because if you were there, You would be the part I’ll never forget.”_

  


Minhee tries to hide the growing blush, threatening to rise to his cheeks, but they’re still dusted pink when he finishes the letter. If the former letter got him embarrassed, this one made him flustered, speechless, even. _Did this person really keep him in their heart even though they didn’t see him anymore?_

  


He just stays there on the couch, mouth agape as he skims the last few sentences of the letter _again_ , trying to convince himself with the words displayed on the screen. He hands Allen his phone, the latter immediately pocketing the device.

  


Allen smiles at him before bidding him hoodby, “I hope that’s enough explanation for that, Minhee.”

  


It wasn’t. It just left Minhee thinking more. wondering more, interested more. His want to find the listener only grew bigger that night, and somewhere in that mind he decided he wasn’t going to wait for the time they were going to reveal themself. He was going to find him himself, so Minhee quickly arranged a grocery shopping spree with Eunsang, hoping that he would spill something about theater and hear something that might link back to lesmis.

  


So he does exactly that, (the next morning because he’s really fucking tired.)

  


It was a Sunday the next day, and both of them had no classes that morning (Eunsang had practice in the afternoon), so it’s usually when they go grocery shopping. They would wake up at 11 am and go out for breakfast on the way to the grocery store, still in their pajamas. 

  


Sometimes, when the situation calls, one of them would just run to the grocery alone when both of them aren’t available. Nowadays, that would be the case, with Eunsang leaving a small note on their coffee table with a list of everything he needs. Practice demanded a lot of his time, so most of the time, Minhee would grocery shop, already familiar with the brands the other likes. 

  


Thankfully, the play’s director let the theater majors off for this weekend because of personal issues, so he had Eunsang all to himself today. So there they were, sitting outside Pancake House, eating way past socially acceptable. There was no reason to hurry, so they took their precious time with each other’s company. After all, the only time they do this is when one of them is close to a mental breakdown, and those times aren’t really the most pleasant, so they chew their waffles leisurely, talking about everything and nothing at the same time.

  


Their dynamic is something his friends comment on frequently, he doesn’t know if it’s positive, but they were comments nonetheless. They say their relationship with Eunsang was weird, or better said, it wasn’t typical for roommates to act as domestic as they did. Wonjin’s words, not his. And in some ways, Minhee can see it. But it’s not like he can help it.

  


Something about Eunsang felt domestic, like he can’t help but be his utter self with him, and the younger does the same. They’ve just been vulnerable with each other so much, it’s not weird to buy each other trinkets when it reminds them of the other. The relationship they built with each other was so platonically domestic, homely, even. Something as mundane as grocery shopping becomes a little bit more special when it’s with Eunsang. So he guesses college isn’t that mundane after all, especially when there’s moments like these. Moments like walking down the milk aisle and accidentally spilling a whole gallon of milk after arguing about flipping a gallon bottle. They sprinted out of that aisle as fast as they could, laughing as they pushed the cart to the check-out. 

  


He didn’t get any info about lesmis, but that’s fine. Eunsang was more important anyway.

  


He didn’t get anything from lesmis that night at the radio show too, so it was safe to say it wasn’t meant to be. User lesmis will just have to be a mystery Minhee will never know the answer to.

  
  
  
  


User lesmis thinks they’re so slick. 

  


After a whole day of radio silence from them, Minhee finds a basket of chocolates waiting for him at the studio. He and Wonjin look at each other with different facial expressions, with Minhee really confused and the older’s fairly amused. He takes the basket, surprised with the amount of chocolate they sent. It was rare they received gifts, only receiving one once (and it was from one of Seongmin’s admirers, so that didn’t really count. 

  


There were bars of Hershey’s lined in the wicker basket, KitKats, Twixs, Snickers bars filled the basket, and three Toblerones stuck out like a sore thumb from the back, along with a box of Ferrero Rochers sat in the middle of it. It really was a basketful, and he wasn’t sure he could finish this, even with Eunsang’s help at home. Except Wonjin was already reading his expression and slapping the back of his head.

  


“If you’re worried about finishing it, did you seriously forget that your friend group are a bunch of sweet tooths? Or were you seriously not considering us?” Minhee chuckled, scratching his head where Wonijn had hit him. It’s not that he didn’t consider giving some to his friends, it’s just that, no- it wasn’t because he was thinking about eating them all with Eunsang, definitely not. “I’m just concerned about your health,” Minhee bluffed, although Wonjin doesn’t look any convinced.

  


He rolls his eyes, placing the basket on his left arm as he twists the doorknob to the booth, switching hands once he got inside. It was Monday, and while they usually announce guest DJs for the week on Mondays, it was Minhee’s birthday that week, so there would be no guests that week, but instead, air a special episode centered on Minhee.

  


They sit inside the booth, adjusting a few equipment on the table to make space for the food basket. Wonjin doesn’t waste time teasing Minhee about the basket, talking about it even when they were on air. 

  


(“And Min-D ssi, I see you have a lot of chocolates by your side, mind telling us what that’s about?”

  


“Shut up, Won-D ssi.”)

  


There was a note tied to the ribbon wrapped around the basket, but Minhee puts it off for later, he’ll just have to read it later. There was no way he was going to read the letter in front of people, let alone live on radio. No, whatever the sender says, he’ll just have to keep to himself. He’s already not keeping the chocolates, he might as well keep something for himself.

  


He shares his chocolates after the program,with Woobin getting more than he expected the older would get. Wonjin had his fair share, and so did Serim, but in the end, Minhee still had a reasonable amount of chocolate, not too much, but not too little that he couldn’t even share with Eunsang.

  


Minhee chews on a lone Snickers bar while walking home from radio, hugging his material closely while walking under the dark lampposts and smelly sewers. He reaches his dorm room, which was surprisingly shut closed. _Huh, I guess Eunsang isn’t home yet_

  


He slides the key inside the room, pushing the door forward to a dark room. _Yeah, Eunsang was still definitely not home._ If he was, he would usually be in the living room, lounging, or in the kitchen, trying his best not to burn down the whole building.

  


The chocolate basket gets dropped on a kitchen counter, sitting on a pot holder. He would love to wait for Eunsang’s arrival, but he was terribly sleepy, so he does the only thing any sleep-deprived college student would do, sleep as much as he can. And as far as he knew, his first class the next day was at 11 am, and there was no need to rise early. 

  


He changes clothes quickly, already eager to get some good shut eye, when he notices something on the hamper. A white piece of paper,crumpled inside Eunsang’s jeans. These were probably worn today, so his roommate had for sure gotten home before him and just left afterward. 

  


Interested, he fishes the piece of paper from the pocket and smooths it out, only to realize that the paper was just a receipt from the grocery store. He was about to shrug it off, deeming it irrelevant when he notices the items listed. 

  


_Chocolates._

  


A lot of them. Hershey’s and Toblerones and Cadburys and Ferrero Rochers. Minhee’s face crumples, not understanding why Eunsang would buy so many chocolates. _Was he seeing someone? Why didn’t he tell him?_

  


He was probably overthinking it, because, it didn’t matter that Eunsang was seeing someone, right? It wasn’t his business. And if Eunsang didn’t want to tell him, then that’s fine by him. He doesn’t care _that_ much. No, it’s cool with him if his roommate was seeing someone, probably the same person he was with now, considering Eunsang never stays out this late unless it’s for theatre practice. And Eunsang didn’t have practice until this late, Minhee knows because he has Eunsang’s schedule memorized and- no! He really doesn’t care!

  


He repeats it until he reaches his room, as if repeating it over and over will convince him that that’s what’s actually happening. Don’t get him wrong, he is very confused and weirded out that Eunsang didn’t tell him about someone new, but he’s not _that_ bothered, he swears!

  


He climbs into his bed, laying his head on his pillow, ready to get some shut eye. The temperature inside his room was perfect, his comforter smelled great and the pain on his head was ever-growing. It was the perfect atmosphere to sleep. 

  


But of course he can’t.

  


He tosses and turns on his bed, not finding comfort on his fluffy pillow. He doesn’t know why the thought can’t get off his head. It’s not like he’s involved in his roommate’s love life. No, if Eunsang liked somebody, he didn’t need to tell him. _But why didn’t he tell him?_ Shut up, subconscience.

  


He falls asleep somewhere between Eunsang coming back inside the dorm and Eunsang opening the door inside his room. He tries not to move when his roommate checks for him, he tries not to open his eyes when he hears the door to his bedroom open, he tries not to look at Eunsang, although he badly wants to see the barely younger boy. And somewhere along pretending he was asleep, he did. Only in Eunsang’s presence did he find enough comfort to finally fall asleep, despite the fact that it was the same person who he was getting worked up for for the night. _Ironic._

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


“I’m so sick of you being this fucking dense.” Hyeongjun mutters under his breath, ruffling his hair as Minhee tells him about what happened yesterday. He thought he would receive something other than an eye roll and a deep sigh, but he’ll take what he can get. 

  


“What does that even mean?”

  


“It means, you’re being so fucking oblivious for something so fucking obvious! You’re smart, Minhee, please utilize your brain for this one.” Hyeongjun leans back on his chair, arms raised to emphasize on a point Minhee still doesn’t get. “What am I being oblivious about?”

  


His same-aged friend groans even more, throwing his head back in frustration. “You just told me how you couldn’t sleep without Eunsang at the apartment and immediately get sleepy when he came home. If that isn’t whipped, I don’t know what is.” 

  


“No,” he rebuttals, “I couldn’t sleep because of the receipt, not because of Eunsang. I could sleep fine without him before, I was just deadly curious about the receipt you know? Like why would he keep that from me? Not that I needed to know, but you know how close we are, why would he hide that? It’s just-”

  


Minhee stops rambling when he notices the high eyebrow on Hyeongjun’s features. “What?”

  


“Nothing,” he says, leaning forward as he looks at his fingernails like some American reality star, “It’s just that, for someone who claims he’s not that bothered about their roommate, you seem pretty pressed, Minhee.”

  


“Because it doesn’t make sense okay? Maybe I am just overreacting.”

  


“Yes. Yes, you are overreacting. You’re his roommate, Minhee. Roommate. No matter how close you are, you’ll always stay in that position, unless you want to do something about it, which based on your actions, you’re not. So you have absolutely no right to be jealous that your roommate is interested in someone else.”

  


To say Minhee was speechless after that spiel was an understatement. Hyeongjun just said a bunch of truths in one go, it was going to be hard to absorb everything at once. Among everything though, one stands out. “I’m not jealous!”

  


“Uhuh, and am I supposed to believe you now?” The education major across him deadpans, obviously sick of him. “I’m telling you the truth! I’m not jealous of whoever Eunsang is seeing! I’m just curious!”

  


“I am so not going to argue with you anymore. If you want answers, you better reflect on your fucking emotions before saying something that contradicts everything you say. There’s nothing wrong if you do like him, you know? Everyone expects it too.”

  


He knows Hyeongjun just means well, but he was not appreciating how he was being attacked. And while it’s true that he really needs a check on his feelings, he was a Virgo. He’s not going to do that if you asked him to. So he just sighs loudly, probably as loud as Hyeongjun did when he called him for a lunch date, and just tried to change the subject. 

  


He was about to ask Hyeongjun about his week when they younger shushes him with a finger, pointing something from afar. He follows where Hyeongjun is pointing, and what he saw broke his heart more than he thought it would. Walking on the other street across where Mcdonalds’ was, was Lee Eunsang, the subject of their conversation, walking down the street with a bouquet of flowers tucked under his arm. 

  


He didn’t realize what he was feeling as he watched his roommate go down the street with a satisfied smile, grinning at the flower bouquet as if it was the most beautiful arrangement he had ever seen. He’s smiling like he’s giving it to the most beautiful person in the world. He’s smiling as if he’ll see the love of his life glow once he gives them the flowers. He’s smiling like he’s in love, and while he usually likes Eunsang’s smile, he realizes that he only likes Eunsang’s smile when it’s directed towards him, not any other person. 

  


He looks at the flower bouquet, and even from afar, he knows it looks beautiful. And the way Eunsang looks at the flowers makes him think whoever he was going to give the gift to was as beautiful, if not more, than the flowers. Minhee’s heart clenches at the thought of someone receiving those flowers, receiving his love and admiration. His heart breaks at the thought that that someone isn’t him, even though he so wanted it to be. His heart breaks, because he just realizes this now, and maybe he was any faster, that someone could have been him, but he’s too coward too late to even realize his feelings. 

  


He watches as Eunsang’s silhouette vanishes to the horizon, his eyes lingering where his roommate was once walking. He looks at Hyeongjun who looks back at him with concern, “Well?”

  


He releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, eyes downcast as he traces the trail Eunsang was walking with his eyes. For the first time in his life, he realized what his parents meant when they said he will never know what he had until he loses it.

  


Because the only time he figured out what he wanted, he let it slip when it mattered the most.

  


He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, turning around to be met with his eight friends’ comforting eyes. One of them, Minhee doesn’t know who reaches to ruffle his head while Jungmo pipes up from his side, “Do you want to eat? It's my treat.”

  


He looks at Jungmo amusedly, the older never treated him to things, choosing to be a parasite despite his wealth. So he’s shocked when he offers, which apparently, he takes to heart. “You’re heartbroken, it’s fine to splurge for you.” 

  


He smiles stupidly, utterly touched at his friends’ gesture. There’s no reason to do this, he hasn’t even digested his feelings for Eunsang that much. But here they are, a hand reached out to him, ready to pick him up before he even fell. That’s why he doesn’t stop the smile that was growing from his face, taking Serim’s extended hand, standing on his feet to grab a second lunch.

  


They eat at a random burger place, eating to their heart’s desire, not even thinking about the money because Jungmo had it covered. (Jungmo did not appreciate that though) They even agreed to go to the radio station together, it had been a while since they last went to the studio altogether. He doesn’t understand how his mood lifted so easily with his friends’ help, but it did. For a while, he forgot about Eunsang’s bouquet of flowers, and Eunsang’s bright smile and his eyes full of love. 

  


For a while, he thought he already forgot his heartbreak. But that while only lasted for so long, because once they enter the radio station, they’re met with a big, colorful surprise. Sitting on the reception table was a beautiful bouquet of flowers, specifically noted for Minhee.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


When Minhee says he has had no control of his life since Dongpyo’s birthday, he’s not saying any lies. Somehow, because of that fateful day of lesmis’s latter, he has lost all dominance with his life, and he feels like he’s just cruising through every day, just watching as the next thing happens and he’s left shocked every time. 

  


How could it be that the same flowers he was lamenting earlier was the reason he’d be all red in the face now? It wasn’t the same set that Eunsang was holding (at least, as far as he remembers), but somehow, he can’t help but get flustered at the flowers. 

  


The bouquet was beautiful, to say the least. 18 pink roses were the highlight of the bunch, with small gypsophilias fill the gaps, making the bouquet simple, yet elegant. It was just right Minhee’s taste, and he couldn’t be any happier receiving the flowers. There was a note attached to the flowers, which now that he thought about it, he hasn’t read the one from the basket yet. 

  


He takes the bouquet from reception, carefully wrapping his arm around it, cradling it. He holds it until they reach the studio. Maybe if he pretends these flowers were from Eunsang, he’d be happier, but even the prospect of someone sending flowers sent Minhee to a daydream. He wonders if the sender handpicked the flowers, if they looked at the flowers lovingly, if they thought about Minhee while they were walking down to the station just like Euns- _No. No!_

  


He shouldn’t be thinking about Eunsang right now! He can’t be hung up on someone when he has someone waiting for him too. But no matter how many times he tries, his train of thought always comes back to Eunsang, as if he lives on his mind rent-free. Before today, he wouldn’t be against the idea of Eunsang living rent-free on his head, but thinking about him now just hurts, because he knows Eunsang will never think of him the same way he does. And that instead, he’s thinking of someone else the way Minhee thinks about him. 

  


He needed to distract himself from Eunsang, and he was sitting right in front of the most helpful one. Breathing deeply, he looks at Allen from the control booth, looking for a signal for his mic. His hyung flashes him a thumbs-up as he listens to the commercial fade. He was going to focus on his work today, not someone who couldn’t return his feelings back.

  


Ten minutes into the show though, Minhee is getting regrets from sitting the radio show. He completely forgot the question prompt for the day, and the responses hurt him more and more as the show goes on. He cringed so much when Wonjin announced the question prompt, “And for today’s question prompt: Have you ever had a TOTGA (The One That Got Away), and what’s your story?”

  


“Minhee-ssi, you should know about this.” _Way to put me under the bus, Wonjin, thanks._ He struggled to piece together a good enough sentence, something that wouldn’t reveal too much, but still somewhat meaningful. “Well, we all have that someone that we had, or could have had, but we let go. Sometimes, it’s mutual, but most of the time, it’s one-sided, usually leaving someone who was willing to hold on alone.”

  


“There should always be a healthy balance in a relationship, one shouldn’t deal with the weight of trying to keep a relationship together. And if there is _that_ person, then can that even be considered a relationship? This episode is for the loves we either let go, or watched leave. Starting us off with our theme, this is Katy Perry with _The One That Got Away._ ”

  


Minhee starts groaning when the familiar drums fill the room, burying his face in his palms as he tunes Katy Perry’s voice out. Wonjin chuckles bitterly, putting a hand on Minhee’s shoulder and comforting him quietly. The song was nostalgic, reminiscent of his middle school days of naivety and innocence, it was a song that brought out memories of his youth, but somehow all the memories flashing back are that of Eunsang. 

  


Meeting for the first time, exchanging phone numbers awkwardly, saying hi in the hallways without care. He remembers their first breakdown, the breakfast that succeeded it, the comfortable dinner later that night, He thinks of staying up until dawn to watch chick flicks, of spontaneous drive-thru escapades at 3 in the morning, of every day and every night he spent with the boy. He thinks of the silent conversations, of the 2 pm epiphanies from the living room, the heart-to-heart talks under a candle light that one night the lights went out.

  


He has been together with Eunsang for so short, yet they’ve already made so many memories he will always treasure. It breaks his heart that it will always stay this way, but it’s definitely better than completely losing Eunsang. _Yeah,_ he can deal with this.

  
  
  


You know, when he said he can deal with Eunsang not liking him, he wasn’t lying. But there was no reason for Eunsang to actively set Minhee up with somebody else!

  


Morning of the next day, Eunsang wakes him up with fried rice with eggs and bacon. The smell filled the whole dorm, and it was such a delight to wake up to delicious food. His birthday was the next day, and he knew this was a part of Eunsang’s ruse. 

  


He gets up quietly, the only class he had today got cancelled, so he was enjoying the Eve of his birthday very much. Soon enough, the scent became stronger, and so did Minhee’s urge to come outside. If he was being honest, he’s not yet ready to face Eunsang. He doesn’t know what it’s like to look at someone you’re in love with, and at the same time, the root of your heartbreak. It was insane! He slipped into bed quickly the night before, so he had no interactions with Eunsang since _that_ moment of realization. 

  


In fact, he might be quite scared of facing his roommate, because who knows what he would do! He does know that he can’t stay in his room all day, so he musters up what little strength he has and walks towards the kitchen where Eunsang was happily tossing ingredients into the fried rice. He was wearing a Kiss the Cook apron, an ironic Christmas gift from Taeyoung to Minhee. He starts to regret keeping the apron, because _God,_ did he look good in that apron. And if he doesn’t stop himself, he’s going to do what the apron instructed.

  


But, no. _Eunsang already likes someone, dumbass,_ he scolds himself mentally as he sits down at the kitchen table. The cook, in turn, kills the flame and plates the fried rice. He looks at Eunsang, who smiled at him so brightly,like he was the physical manifestation of the sun, and he could feel the cracks from yesterday reappear as he remembers that his smile was also meant for someone else. That somewhere there, he’s looking at someone else like this, if not brighter. He takes the plate with a crooked smile as his roommate takes the seat across him.

  


“So,” he starts, “Your birthday is tomorrow!” he exclaims excitedly. Minhee laughs to himself, finding the other absolutely adorable with how excited he was. “It is, but why are you more excited than me?”

  


Eunsang smiles wider, if that was even possible, a knowing glint in his eyes. “Aah, I want to tell you, but it would ruin the surprise.”

  


He laughs, shaking his head, “Just tell me? It’s tomorrow anyway.”

  


The apron-clad male thinks about it for a while, placing his right cheek on his palm. He ponders about it while Minhee eats his fried rice (which was so good, by the way). By the time he’s done thinking, Minhee’s already done eating. He glows in his seat, buzzing with excitement as he decides to tell Minhee his gift.

  


“Well, you see, you know how you’ve been finding your mysterious sender?” _Oh no, he doesn’t like where this was going._

  


“Well, I’ve been looking for them the whole week, and yesterday, I found them!” _Oh._

  


Minhee wants to be happy, he really does. He wants to be touched that Eunsang took a part of his time to look for the person Minhee had been curious about for about a week now, but he just can’t. He can’t be happy when he realizes the person he likes is setting him up for someone else, someone who wasn’t him. Not only did it feel like he was pushing him away, but it confirmed all suspicions that Eunsang was interested in someone else.

  


Still, he puts on his best shocked face, eyes blown wide and mouth agape, smiling as he acted as happy as he can in front of his roommate. “Oh my god, really? How did you even- what?” 

  


Eunsang nods excitedly, “I asked around my classmates and looked for someone who went to the same middle school as you, and this guy was the only one who fit the description!”

  


“And you’ll introduce me to him?”

  


“Yes! Tomorrow! I secured you a date at 9 am. Be ready alright?”

  


It took all of Minhee’s will and power not to shake his head no, but he found himself nodding along, smile still plastered on his face. He’ll just have to deal with the pain later. They finish breakfast amicably, cleaning the dishes together. He wishes everyday was like this, playfully splashing water to the other as they wash the dishes with bubble-ridden hands. They talk while scrubbing the dirt from the plates, talking about how their lives have been since Sunday. Minhee so wanted to ask his roommate about the flowers, about the chocolates, about the person he was seeing, but he couldn’t get himself to do it. Maybe it was best that he didn’t talk about it, so that maybe he can just pretend it’s not real.

  


When he enters his bed a few minutes later, he dives into his comforter, burying himself in his pillows and plushies. He really didn’t want to see Eunsang for the rest of the day, the hard beating of his heart whenever Eunsang was near wasn’t healthy. He could feel every pump as Eunsang laughs at one of his terrible jokes, he could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks when Eunsang initiated skinship. He was so scared of Eunsang hearing the miserable beats his heart made whenever he does the bare minimum.

  


It was scary, how his heart would leap at any moment, and Eunsang would hear, Eunsang would notice. He desperately wants to keep it to himself, shrug it off as if he wasn’t there, but his skin touch flares at Eunsang’s touch, and it’s too hard to ignore. He doesn’t know why he’s only feeling this way, he and Eunsang have always been touchy, always doing skinship, yet why is it only now that he feels these things?

  


He buries himself further under the comforter, is this what happens when you acknowledge your feelings? Because he is so close to hitting his head on the headboard in the hopes of forgetting the disgusting pit in his stomach he called emotions. He closes his eyes, trying to go back to sleep and forget about their early morning interactions, but he wasn’t at all sleepy. 

  


Sulky, he sits up on his bed with no intention of getting up, when he notices the bouquet of flowers displayed on his bedside table. The bouquet was bittersweet, because while it was nice to receive gifts, it wasn’t the someone he wanted to receive it from. He leans forward to reach for the bouquet, wanting to admire it again. The flowers weren’t wilted yet, although he gives it three days before the blooms die out. His fingers brush by the single note tied around the flowers, realizing that he hasn’t read the note, once again. He stands up, taking the chocolate basket and taking the note there too. 

  


Inside was beautiful handwriting, legible and clean. He wonders how the sender identifies as, because this penmanship was too pretty for a boy. He jumps in his bed again, getting comfortable before reading the letters. Breathing deeply once, he starts reading the note on the chocolates first.

  


_Minhee! Hello! Are you surprised by the chocolates? I’m sorry if I caught you off-guard. Your birthday is soon, so I decided I wanted to give you a gift before that. I’m sorry if I gave you any distress because of my letter, I should’ve just done that privately, right? Ahh, I’m sorry. I can’t help but feel guilty that you’ve been stressed out for the past few days._

  


_If it makes you feel better, the gossip is dying down. I was listening to the radio and found the prompt interesting, so I did what my mind thought of first and sent a confession letter. I heard you were looking for me, I’d like it if you didn’t but if you so insist, I’ll meet up with you._

  


_Stay happy, Minhee. You have no idea how many people you make happy with just your voice at night. So many times, I wanted to drop out of college, but every time I would tune in to your radio, I’m given a new reason to keep moving on. Thank you for that, Minhee. I hope you stay happy._

  


_That’s all I wanted to say, I think. Thank you again.♡_

  


_lesmis._

  


There’s something about the letter that’s familiar, comforting, even. He finds himself smiling as he reads every letter of the note. He still has no idea who this anonymous was, but he’s given comfort by the fact that they cared enough to send chocolates, flowers and handwritten letters. It just eats him up that he can’t appreciate it that much, because his mind wanders to other things and other people.

  


He shakes his head, trying to pry off the thoughts that were unnecessary at the moment, and proceeded to read the note tied to the bouquet, pretending that he didn’t just think of his roommate handing him the bunch of flowers.

  


_I was passing by a flower shop and thought of you._

  


_It’s a tradition to give flowers to someone celebrating their birthday, right? So, I thought it would be nice to give you some. These flowers reminded me of you. You bloom like the flowers, Minhee, and you’re so beautiful. I hope you know that. Anyway, I’ll end it here. Happy birthday, Minhee!_

  


He can’t shake the recognizable tone of the letter, but he can’t point out how it’s familiar. Not wanting to think anymore deeper, he just takes his clothes and takes a shower, hoping to wash away all of his worries. When he gets out of the shower, they’re still there, but it’s not like he actually expected it to disappear that easily. He’ll have to carry these feelings until they disappear for now, only holding on to a sliver of hope that it will disappear.

  


When thinking of other people fails him in forgetting his feelings, he turns his attention to the pile of requirements he needed to submit and decided it was the next best thing. Better to be productive than miserable. He drags himself to his desk and starts doing his work continuously, disregarding the world as they knew it.

  


It wasn’t easy to focus on school works when something was pestering your mind, but Minhee somehow pulled it off. Somewhere along the day though, Eunsang would pop his head inside Minhee’s room and tell him to take a rest. Minhee doesn’t. Instead, he pushes himself more to study. Erase him, erase those feelings, forget it all. He tried so hard to push it away, and he likes to think it’s working, even though that’s not what Hyeongjun tells him. 

  


“Minhee. If you want to get over him, you have to tell him. Where the hell did you even get the idea that you had to hide it in?”

  


“I don’t know! It sounded like a good idea!”

  


“It’s not.” He leans forward, setting his drink down on his desk. They were at the radio booth right now, waiting for the commercial to finish. Hyeongjun, to say the least, was not pleased with Minhee’s antics. And he understood the flaws of his plan, he just doesn’t want to think about it, because he knows he has to confess, but that’s really not going to work out, not when Eunsang already liked someone.

  


“Talk to Eunsang. Right now. Or once you come home, I don’t care. But you have to suck up your feelings and tell it to him. I don’t want you to be miserable.”

  


“Speaking from experience?” He tries to lighten up the mood, but he’s only met with a stern gaze from the younger. He sighs and mutters a low “Fine.” His best friend’s face morphs into that of concern and he stand up to give him a back hug from where Minhee was seated. Arms wrapped around his shoulders, Hyeongjun’s hand finds itself ruffling Minhee’s hair, “I just don’t want you getting hurt, okay?”

  


“Fine,”

  


So he tries to follow his best friend’s advice, and gets himself ready to make a decision that will either make or break he and his roommate’s relationship.

  


It’s cold when he walks back to his dorm. It was September, and winter was coming really soon. The moon was shining so brightly, as if mocking Minhee’s sour mood. He sighs, turning left to his dorm’s building. His hands were cold as he twists the doorknob to his dorm room. There were three shoes on the entrance, meaning Eunsang was home. _Great._

  


He musters up all of his courage as he walks through the hallway to the kitchen. He yells, calling out for Eunsang, finding where the theatre major was. “Eunsang-ah!! Where are you?” He walks towards the open light from the kitchen, probably where Eunsang was. He wonders why he didn’t reply, but he just shrugs it off as he enters the room.

  


His heart breaks one more time. Eunsang was sitting in the kitchen table, phone in hand, his eyes shining like the stars he was under just a while ago. He was leaning on his chair, smile reaching his ears. He looked happy. He looked in love.

  


And there goes all plans Minhee had of confessing. All of them, out the window. Because why would he ruin this for Eunsang? He was happy. He had someone he could love, someone who would light up his world with their smile. He wasn’t going to ruin that with his stupid feelings. Eunsang looks up at him, eyes widening in recognition. He immediately bids the person in his phone goodbye, standing to welcome Minhee. “How was the episode?”

  


“Great. It was good.” He responds quickly, avoiding eye contact. 

  


“Oh, by the way, you have a date tomorrow~” He sing-songs, obviously excited for Minhee’s starting love life. He smiles back, not as much as he was smiling though, it was impossible to mirror Eunsang’s smile, especially when it’s fake. “Yeah,”

  


“Well, I should go to bed now, I should look pretty for lesmis.” He beams, trying hard to convince Eunsang to let him go. It works, and he collapses in his bed almost immediately. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore.

  
  
  


Minhee had classes the next day. At 8 am. _What a great start to his birthday._ He woke up to an empty dorm room, Eunsang had an earlier class than him, so he wasn’t surprised to see no one in the kitchen. He was in a hurry too, so he just grabbed a piece of bread from the counter and ran for the door. It was getting late and he wasn’t planning on disappointing Mr. Lee so early in the morning.

  


Fast forward to 9:30, and Minhee is getting out of his class. If he can’t get a decent coffee, then he wants to go back home as fast as he can so he can sleep before his 1:30 class, and from where Minhee can see, his favorite coffee shop was full and bustling with customers, so he took a sharp right toward their dorm, determined to get some shut eye.

  


By the time he reaches home, he’s groggy and wants nothing else but his pillow. But he can’t do that when the first thing that welcomes him to the dorm room was his ever-happy roommate, holding a plate of pancakes with a candle on top. He can’t help the smile that succeeds it, grinning widely as his roommate tells him to blow the candles out. 

  


He closes his eyes, and tells the void his birthday wishes. _Health, happiness,_ he opens his eyes to look at Eunsang who had a birthday hat on, waiting for him to blow the candles. _Love._

  


He blows the flame off, and Eunsang cheers by himself as they walk towards the kitchen. Turns out, he didn’t have a class this morning, he rushed to the mart to buy pancake ingredients. “And I know you haven’t eaten your breakfast yet, so I cooked us some!”

  


On the table were one more stack of pancakes, eggs and bacon, plated nicely on the kitchen table. His smile never leaves his lips, thankful that Eunsang is that thoughtful. They talked for hours, catching on up on gossip around the science department (He heard one of the teachers had an affair with a co-teacher) and before Minhee knew, it was 1:00 already and he needed to go to class. Before he could walk out the door, Eunsang grabbed his hand, putting something in his hand. It was a small bag, filled with his favorite candies and a cold coffee. His roommate smiles at him sheepishly, his fingers ruffling his own hair,“I’m sorry that’s all I got you, I’m kinda down on the cash.”

  


“This is perfect, Sang. Thank you.”

  


“I have my best present later anyway, don’t be late okay!” He grins, _right. The date was today._ He nods meekly, and envelops him in a hug before going out the door. 

  


“I’ll text you the location!” Eunsang yells as he waves Minhee goodbye. The younger doesn’t stop waving until he reached the staircase, watching as he disappears down the stairs. Minhee leaves with a bright smile, sipping Eunsang’s coffee on his way out. He was happy with today, no matter how simple the celebration. 

  


Meanwhile, Eunsang is left frantic upstairs, cleaning the dorm and himself up. He had one hour before go time. 

  
  
  


Minhee finishes his Biology class with ease, thanks to the torment his feelings for Eunsang gave him, he got extra credit for his readings. He checks his phone to see it blown up with birthday greeetings from friends and family, even acquaintances he only spoke to once. There were so many messages to get back to, but that’ll have to wait, as Minhee found Eunsang’s name at the top of his inbox, 3 unread messages containing the details for his date. 

  


_**eunsang** _

  


**__** _2:30, go to the han brewed cafe then turn right once, walk forward_

_for five minutes, then you’ll see a yellow building. go to the third floor,_

_and you’ll understand where to go._

_good luck!_

_ily._

  


Pocketing his phone, he hails a cab to _Han Brewed._ He was confused why the date was at some building, and not in _Han Brewed_ instead, but he guesses this guy had more to offer than a cafe date.

  


He’s on his way to _Han Brewed_ when he notices his surroundings, which were oddly familiar? He gets off the cab, and follows Eunsang’s instructions, except he doesn’t land on some nice building or a restaurant, he’s back at home, at their dorm, except he used another way to reach here. _Was Eunsang’s instructions right? Was he lost?_

  


_**minhee** _

  


**__** _did you give me a wrong address_

_why am i back at the dorm_

  


_**eunsang** _

  


**__** _nope._

_you’re at the right address._

_come inside._

  


_**minhee** _

  


**__** _at home?_

_eunsang_

_LEE EUNSANG??_

_reply me??_

  


And Eunsang never replied after that. He sent more texts, as if that was going to make Eunsang reply, and as expected, still nothing. Succumbing to his instruction, Minhee takes the stairs to their dorm room, observing everything he was passing, but nothing seemed suspicious, just a new sad and dying plant in the dorm in front of theirs. (Honestly, he doesn’t know why their neighbors keep buying plants, they’re shit at keeping them alive.)

  


He twists the door to his shared dorm open, only to be welcomed by the same boy that made him cry the other morning. “Eunsang?”

  


“What are you doing here? I thought-” His roommate looks down on the floor, scratching his head. He doesn’t say anything for a while, mustering up courage(?) to say something to him. The dorm room was pristine, clean. It was spotless, but the place where their kitchen table stood just an hour ago was replaced with a circle table, with a piece of cloth on the top of it. There were dishes presented on the table, and a tall candle in the middle of it all.

  


“Well,” he breathes out, “I’m taking you on a date. Just like I promised.”

  


“No, you said lesmis will-” He cuts his own sentence off, voice trailing as he realizes what Eunsang was pertaining to.

  


“Are you--?” Eunsang smiles bitterly, raising his head to lock eyes with the taller. “Are you surprised?”

  


Yes? Of course he was! This was Lee Eunsang from theatre, Lee Eunsang who messes up his lines because he would get flustered at the lines he would be saying. Lee Eunsang who spills milk on the grocery store, Lee Eunsang who toasts ramen cups with him champagne style. It was Lee Eunsang, the boy who he fell in love with in under two years, who unknowingly broke his heart a couple of days ago.

  


Lee Eunsang was lesmis, the romantic listener who confessed to Minhee on another person’s birthday. Lesmis, who sent him sweet words of comfort, words that were familiar, yet still effective. Lesmis, who sent him chocolates and flowers because it reminded them of Minhee, was Lee Eunsang, who broke his heart because of the same bouquet of flowers.

  


“I am.”

  


“Are you disappointed?”

  


He was definitely not disappointed, in fact, he was more confused more than anything. But he was for sure not disappointed. This was better than he would have thought, why the hell would he be disappointed?

  


“No. I’m not.” He shakes his head a firm no, hands reaching to hold his roommate’s chin. “I’m glad it was you.”

  


“Should we eat first?” Minhee suggests, pointing their attention to the table behind them. Eunsang smiles in return, seemingly devoid of the nervousness he was exhibiting just a while ago. He walks first, leading the way to the table, when Eunsang takes it upon himself to walk in front of him and pull the chair for him. 

  


“You cooked steak?” Eunsang nodded as he pulled out the chair for himself, “I watched a bunch of tutorials. I practiced a lot in Hyeongjun’s dorm too.” 

  


_Hyeongjun-?_ “He knew?” Minhee asked as Eunsang lit the candle. “Of course he did. Why do you think he’s been bugging you about lesmis all this week?”

  


Eunsang smirks as he leans back, pleased with what he did. “Why didn’t I know?”

  


He’s met with an incredulous look from Eunsang, while he raises his hands in defense, “What? It’s a genuine question!”

  


“I didn’t tell you because I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to tell you,” he pauses. “But now I am. I’ve liked you for a long time now, Minhee. I’m not sure if you noticed.” He chuckles quietly, almost to himself.

  


In turn, Minhee sets his utensils down and looks Eunsang in the eye, despite him avoiding eye contact. “Are we going to talk about it now?”

  


“Do you want to talk about it now?”

  


“It’s your call, Eunsang.” The shorter male returns the eye contact, keeping his eyes on Minhee as he takes a deep breath. 

  
  


“But where do I even start?” Eunsang looks up at the ceiling, acting like he was about to tell a tale as old as time. “I liked you since the first time I laid my eyes on you.”

  


A napkin flies from Minhee’s lap to Eunsang’s face, “Stop over-reacting!” 

  


“I’m not! Really!” Eunsang says as he takes the napkin off his face, folding it neatly. He raises his eyebrows at Minhee, “Is it that unbelievable?”

  


Minhee avoids his gaze, choosing to admire the silk that covered the table. “It’s true though,” Eunsang says, making Minhee raise his head. “I liked you ever since, and I never stopped.”  
“It was middle school when I first liked you, high school when I longed for you, but it’s college when I fell in love with you.” The flame from the candle isn’t helping Minhee’s state right now. The fire illuminates Eunsang’s face in all the right places, hitting him where it mattered, and Minhee can’t help the loud _thump-thump_ of his heart. It also didn’t help that Eunsang was telling him words he thought he would never hear.

  


“I don’t know if that’s too early, but that’s what I feel.” He stops to look at his fidgeting hands, “I can only hope you feel the same.”  
“Are you kidding me?” Eunsang looks at him weird, confused. “If I didn’t like you back, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

  


It was Eunsang’s turn to be shocked, eyes wide and mouth agape. Minhee can only smile in response. “Do you know how much I was hurting because I thought you liked someone else?”

  


“Please, you’re the only one I’ll ever like.” He could feel the heat rise to his cheeks, flustered by Eunsang’s sudden confidence. “So you really like me?”

  


“Do I really have to repeat it?”

  


“Come on, I’ve waited for this for 6 years, I want to savour the moment.” Minhee giggles, uncontrollably fond of his antics. It’s also here that he realizes how long Eunsang has liked him. If he can love him that much, he swears he will return that love. He won’t let someone love someone more. Whatever he feels for Eunsang now, he will let multiply tenfold. He might not have loved him as long, but he will definitely love him just as much.

  


He smiles as he repeats what he implied, making sure to enunciate every syllable perfectly. “I love you, Lee Eunsang.”

  


Eunsang is taken aback, looking at Minhee like he just told him he loved him. Except he did just told him he loved him, and he meant every word of it. He points his finger to himself, still mouth agape. “You _love_ me?” 

  


“I love you, Lee Eunsang, how many times do I have to repeat it?”

  


Eunsang doesn’t retaliate any further, choosing to keep silent and digest the information he was just given. “Minhee,” he whispers, 

  


“Yeah?”  


“I love you too.”

  


“You love me?” He reaches out to touch Eunsang’s cheek, which the latter leans into. 

  


“So much.”  
“Prove it to me.” Eunsang recoils, his cheek on Minhee’s hand separating. “How should I prove it to you?”

  


Minhee smirks, everything went according to his plan. “Kiss me.”

  


“I thought you’d never ask.”

  


A chair is dragged loudly, and in a split second, Eunsang is no longer seated on his seat, but on Minhee’s. They waste no time, hands running through each other’s hair, lips dancing in sync. It’s not passionate, it’s sweet. And they take their time tasting each other, enjoying how the other tastes in their mouths. 

  


It’s painstakingly slow as they savor every moment they have with each other. Everytime they separate is just another reason to kiss each other better, deeper. Time stops when they’re together, and there’s no reason to let go. Not now, not ever.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Minhee comes to the studio late. He blames Eunsang for that. 

  


He reaches the building 5 minutes before the commercial break ends, and it was no joke when he said he sprinted through the hallways just to get there in time. Minhee arrives, breathing heavily as he tries to catch his breath for the episode. 

  


Personally, he thinks it’s unfair that he has to go to the studio on his birthday, but then he remembers he was the one who decided that last week. _But that was when he wasn’t with Eunsang yet!_ He would counter.

  


Still, he goes to work, running a hand through his hair as he sits down inside the air conditioned room. There were a few more seconds before they went live, so he took it as an opportunity to drink some water. He waits as the timer turns to 10 pm, and he introduces the show alone, for the first time in a few weeks.

  


“The life we live is short. Welcome everyone to the special episode of MinheeCast, this is your only host, Kang Minhee, celebrating my birthday today.” He speaks into the mic as a virtual crowd cheers for him. It goes on for half a second when the cheers turns into a melody that he has heard 18 times throughout his whole life. 

  


“Happy Birthday to you~” His friends come inside the booth, singing loudly as the music plays, Seongmin was holding a fresh strawberry cake, like the way he wanted, while everyone held balloons in their hands. Nearly everyone precious to him was there. His best friends, his same-aged friends, people he knew from his major, people he knew in the radio station, even his brother was there! Everyone was there, everyone except for the one person that mattered the most.

  


“Happy birthday to you~” The song ended with a flourish, (courtesy of Donghyuck) and MInhee blew the candles quickly, not bothering to ask for a wish. _What else did he need to wish for anyway? Everything he had was already with him._ They cheer twice as the song doubles in tempo, people clapping to the beat of the song. Laughter filled the space as they attempt to cover Minhee’s face with fresh cream. 

  


People started to get out as the song ended, except for his closest friends. They stay inside the booth, lounging on the sofa with a questionable smell. Minhee goes back to his space though, and restarts the show in a livelier tone. 

  


“Ahh, thank you to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday, I hope you know that you are my greatest gift this year. And I’m glad I ever met you.” Boos can be heard from outside Minhee’s headphones, with Taeyoung throwing a pillow because of his cheesiness. “You know, if you don’t like it, I can take it back, Taeyoung.”

  


The group doubles in laughter, too amused with Taeyoung’s (rightful) call-out. He lets the laughter die down before continuing with the show. “And because it’s my birthday today, today’s episode is all about me! So if you hate me, I would advise you to tune out now, because you’re just going to be more pissed at me before the hour ends.” He chuckles once, and follows up with a sly, “And come on, if you hate me, why are you listening to a radio show with my name on it?”

  


“Today’s theme is all about me, so our prompt message is something you want to tell me!” He notices Wonjin stand up from where he’s seated and takes the chair next to Minhee. “Except we didn’t just take random people’s messages, no, we, Minhee’s closest friends took it upon ourselves to embarrass him in front of all his listeners-ow!”

  


Wonjin rubs his shin where Minhee kicked him. “Why was I not informed of this?” 

  


“Because if you were, then that would ruin the fun in it, don’t you think?” Minhee sighs loudly, just going with the flow his friends set for him. “And I’m going first! But before I read my very lovely message to Minhee, this is Birthday by _Katy Perry,_ for our beloved birthday boy.”

  


Minhee tries to remember the lyrics of the chorus, thinking of some way to transition the song, but all he remembers are reminders of what happened earlier. 

  


He closes his eyes, cringing, but he can’t hide the growing blush on his cheeks as he analyzes the lyrics. The song makes him miss Eunsang, definitely. He thanks any deity listening that the song ended faster than he anticipated, because he wasn’t sure if he could cringe any longer.

  


And there they went, exchanging stories of Minhee, both complimenting him, and insulting him.

  


“And you were there. And you never hesitated to help me You dropped everything to help me, and I will never forget that day. I still owe you for that one.”  
“You can buy me an ice cream and we’ll be quits, Seongmin.” He got hit in the arm for that, which was well deserved, but still hurt.

  


Junho’s went a little more wayward, but he appreciates it nonetheless. 

  


“You know how talkative I am, right?”

  


“Everyone does, especially the listeners on your birthday.” Minhee is reminded by the particular radio episode. It was hard to describe, but let’s just say, if you were a new listener, you would think Junho was the host, not Minhee. _Maybe Junho should cover for Minhee when he’s too bothered to do radio._

  


“Well, thank you for always listening. I know you don’t listen, because you have made it quite clear, but still, thank you for pretending you are listening, and next time, listen to me so you aren’t clueless half of the time, bitch.” 

  


Everyone in the studio’s eyes widened in shock, surprised at Junho’s choice of words. Junho himself though, isn’t fazed and just stands up confidently and bows as if he was putting on a show. He received a round of applause though, from Minhee, who was clutching his stomach from laughing. It wasn’t the first time a curse word has slipped on air, so he isn’t that scandalized, but the absolute look on his friends’ faces is the reason he’s laughing like no tomorrow.

  


The rest of the letters are like that too, sly and teasing, but genuine and meaningful to its core. He appreciates their kind of friendship, and he’s so lucky to have friends like the ones he has now. Hyeongjun was up for last, _save the best for last,_ he said.

  


He walks up to the mic, sitting down shyly as if there was a camera watching it all. “Hello,” he says into the mic, “My name is Hyeongjun, Minhee’s best friend.” Boos can be heard from their other friends, but they knew the fact was true. Among anyone, he confides and trusts Hyeongjun the most. “I didn’t write him a letter, because he knows how much I nag at him. For once, on his birthday, I won’t nag at him. Instead, I let someone else take my place as the best for last. And I trust that he’ll do a good job at this, because I have been too distressed this whole week because of them.”

  


Minhee immediately gets what Hyeongjun meant, but the person he’s referring to was nowhere to be seen. Hyeongjun goes close to the mic again, “User lesmis, I’m giving you the pleasure of being last. Make it worth it.” 

  


“Will do, Hyeongjun.” Minhee’s head snaps upwards, trying to find where his voice came from, but Eunsang was nowhere to be seen, only heard through the radio speakers. “Minhee? Are you listening, baby? Of course you are, I’m sorry, that was a brain fart.” He giggles to himself, finding it cute. 

  


“Anyway, I’m the last one to go, and Hyeongjun threatened me to give a good one, so instead of writing a letter to you, I just wrote about all the reasons I love you, so that our listeners can understand our favorite main character, you. Well, here I go.” Minhee holds his breath as he hears his ~~roommate~~ boyfriend go on about him.

  


“Minhee, where should I begin? Should I begin with the part where you’re the most selfless person I’ve met, or you’re one of the reasons I live? I fell in love with you at a young age. At an age where people would deem my like for you something naive, innocent. I fell for you at an age where everyone was curious and looking for love, but even then I knew, the moment I laid my eyes on you, I had found the love of my life.”

  


“You were perfect, Minhee. I still remember middle school where I would pass by your classroom just to get a glimpse of you, even though your classroom wasn’t on the way to where I was heading. It made my day to see your smile. I don’t think you understand how contagious your smile is, Minhee. Everytime you smile, I feel myself melting because of how bright it is. You brighten up people’s days, and you have certainly brightened up mine, not just my days, but my life in whole.”

  


“You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, and while I liked you back then for your perfection, when I met you in college, I realized that you were not as perfect as I thought. You were so awkward around me, and you suck at biophysics. You break down with me at 3 am over ramen noodles, and you were a mess the next day. But that’s the same things that made me fall in love with you even more. If I liked you before, then I definitely love you now.”

  


“Happy birthday, Minhee. I hope you stay happy everyday, and I will do my best to make sure you smile at least once a day. I love you.” Minhee could feel tears escaping his eyes, and found himself removing the headphones from his ears and walking to the control area, where he assumes Eunsang is. And there he is, holding a lone mic in his hand, looking back at him in shock. 

  


Minhee turns the mics off, setting everything down as he presses his lips against his boyfriend’s, feeling the most satisfied he has been for the 18 years he has lived.

  


Minhee smiles through the kiss, silently declaring this year to be his best. Nothing was ever gonna top this. Ever.

**Author's Note:**

> you reached the end! congrats! if there were any grammatical errors , i'm really sorry!! i was so set on releasing this today,, so I haven't edited it yet :// no worries, I will come back to this fic and edit the fuck out of it kdjksj thank you for reading, and don't forget to greet minhee a happy birthday!! (also peep that word count lmao just a lil easter egg)
> 
> [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/mnheecore)  
> [ curiouscat ](https://curiouscat.me/mnheecore)


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